What You Really Need to Know about Having an Alter Ego and How to Create One

by Ruth Ungerer

 

 Have you ever left a meeting, given a speech, or sung a solo on stage only to walk away feeling completely bummed with how you executed the task at hand? Maybe you are shy and introverted and the thought of speaking in front of a group of people makes you want to throw up.

Do you wish you would have stood up for yourself when you were being discriminated against by a coworker or berated by a boyfriend or spouse?  Have you ever felt taken advantage of and wished you would have responded differently? Have you been the victim of bullying and bear the weight of feeling like you aren't enough?  

Have you ever  been in a grueling physical challenge like a half marathon or a reallllllllly long singles match and wanted to quit??

Chances are, you can relate to one or all of these scenarios. The truth is we all have areas of weakness where we feel vuInerable and less than.  

Many of my clients are middle aged women who have lived a lot of life. They've dealt with heart break, financial loss, betrayal, being overlooked at work, cancer, death of a loved one etc. Many of those experiences make us stronger, but sometimes we are left with holes in our hearts that keep us from taking chances, asking for what we want, or keep us stagnant.

That said, when it comes to empowerment, creating an alter ego may be just what you need to get Sh** done. 

For those who aren't sure, the definition of an alter ego is a "second self," or a version of a person that is completely distinct from their normal persona.

In the past, various well-known celebrities have taken on alter egos, either to make themselves more marketable or appealing, or to become more confident. Most famous are artists like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. At one time, Beyoncé had an alter ego named Sasha Fierce, who she said made her able to be more comfortable and sexy during performances. On the other hand, Lady Gaga is an alter ego of Stefani Germanotta, the "ordinary" woman behind the huge sensation that Lady Gaga has become. 

 

How will Your Alter Ego Help You? 

She/He's brave

She's confident. She can say things that you might not normally have the guts to say. She understands the value of words, and that fewer words can often say more, and with more power. She's got guts, fervor, and ambition. You don't have to go through the emotionally draining act of trying to be her all the time, because she gets strength in rest. So you can use her when you need her and not have to feel like you're over extending yourself the rest of the time.

 

She/He doesn't waste time

Because you don't use this part of your character very often, you know it has a limited life-span. This alter ego knows that time is precious, she's got a short window to use all her guts and glory to get whatever you need done, done. She gets right to the point and doesn't mess around.

 She/He's willing to fight for you

It might be the hardest thing women do: to fight for themselves. To advocate for what they want and need.  To defend themselves. To prove themselves. To speak up when something is harming them. To say what it is they want or believe in. Your alter ego can do it for you. Your alter ego will tell you " I can" when you feel like saying "I can't. She'll give you strength when you feel weak. She'll speak up when you would normally stay quiet. She'll tell you you can do hard things and that everything will be ok. 

She's strong and tireless

She helps your legs keep going when they feel like giving out. She gives you strength to run up a mountain or finish the race. She's mentally strong and can face any challenge placed before her. She says keep fighting when she hears the word cancer or chemo. She is fierce and a fighter. 

 

What qualities should your alter ego have? 

 It is important to know what qualities you want your alter ego to take on. Whether you want to be more outspoken, more confident, more gritty or more sexy, the first step is always to realize your specific goals in creating this persona.  For most people, the alter ego possesses the qualities that you wish you had. She's strong in the areas you are lacking. 

I truly believe that every person has it within them to be the version of themselves they want to be and that it is possible to take on characteristics you value simply through diligent focus. However, an alter ego may be the easiest or most fun method of shifting your mindset and creating a life you love.

So if you're looking to create a positive change in your life and are interested in creating a Sasha Fierce of your own, follow these steps:

 

1. Define a goal for your alter ego. Why are you creating an alter ego? What goal do you seek to accomplish? Are you creating an alter ego for fun or for a serious purpose? Generally, there's no such thing as an alter ego that's too thought-out. As long as you don't start blurring the mental line between your alter ego and your true self, feel free to create as detailed of an alter ego as you see fit.
2. Give your alter ego a personality and voice. Your alter ego's most important trait is her personality - how does she speak and act? Will this alter ego be a mere stand-in for yourself - in other words, will it be just like you except for their name? Or, will it be a unique character with a personality distinct from yours?Often, alter egos are endowed with traits that their creators lack. By assuming this alter ego, the creator can attempt to overcome difficulties caused by their personality defects. For instance, if you're normally timid and shy, you might assume a cocky, confident alter ego when you're at a party full of people you don't know.
3. Give your alter ego a distinctive appearance. How does your alter ego look? Do they have an unassuming, yet memorable appearance or do they stick out in a crowd? Your character's appearance should match or compliment their personality. For example, if you struggle with self confidence, your  alter ego may be  a larger-than-life figure like a Sasha fierce or a Jennifer Lopez.  Sometimes, all you need is an accessory to take you from feeling frumpy to sexy.  It could be a wig, hair extensions, a pair of running shoes, even a pair of glasses that gives you the boost of confidence you need.  
4. Brainstorm suitable names. This is the most fun part of the entire process! A good, catchy name can take an alter ego from merely interesting to iconic. Make a list of names, even including even ideas that you think are silly - they may lead you towards a truly inspiring name. Think of names that fit your alter ego's purpose
5. Fill in the small details about your alter ego. Give your character real depth by giving him or her unique, specific traits. Real people have peculiarities and quirks, so your character will seem more real if he or she does too. You may want to choose details that match your character's role or personality. Is she glamorous, brilliant, a can-do kind of girl?  Write in the details. 
I truly believe that every person has it within them to be the version of themselves they want to be and that it is possible to take on characteristics you value simply through diligent focus. However, an alter ego may be the easiest or most fun method of shifting your mindset and creating a life you love.
Do you have an alter ego?  Tell me about her. I have a few. When I'm playing tennis, I channel my inner Serena.  When I want to feel sexy, I become Foxy Roxy. (the wig does the trick) Foxy can dance and is  eager to get our of her comfort zone. Finally, when I want to feel young and carefree,  I become Ellie.  Ellie wears extensions and has awesome style. She's vibrant and playful and full of life. I would say that describes me too, but since the long hair is so different from my normal look, I give her a name. The point is this. Don't be afraid to create a character that helps you overcome doubts and fears that are preventing you from living your best life. 
Helping you love the life you live,
Ruth xoxo 

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